The Bald List
The Bald List is a personal project made together with Adam Noel.
The aim is to bring together poets, doctors, comedians, store clerks, and noble servants who suffer from male pattern baldness.
Declaring your baldness is the first step to becoming a great and powerful bald man, and this site is the first step in that process.
Bald visitors are invited to add their name to the list of shiny headed men. As the list grows, so does the forehead that displays them. There's also a helpful FAQs section that aims to answer every question a balding man might have.
Can I get my hair back?
No. No amount of creams, pills or surgical procedures can help you. Just accept it. Or brush it under the carpet. Not that you have any carpet.
Can’t I just wear a hat?
No, one day you’ll have to wear a suit.
You need to start getting people used to the idea that you’re going bald.
Why am I going bald?
We’re not sure, probably best to contact a professional.
Or better still, just accept it.
Can I add a bald friend to the list?
We’d rather you didn’t.
This is about a man’s acceptance of himself and not ragging on a friend for something he has no control over.
Am I going to look good bald?
That depends on whether you looked good with hair.
I’m half bald, am I going to be ok?
You’re in the transition phase. Enjoy having some hair, it’s better than none.
Will I lose my job?
It’s important not to let this natural occurance ruin your confidence. You need that job more than anything right now.
Will I still get laid?
Bald or not bald, if you’re asking that question on a website the chances are you’re probably not going to get laid.
Should I grow a beard?
You should grow hair anywhere you can.
What if I can’t grow a beard?
Will my kids still recognize me?
If you teach them about balding early enough this shouldn’t be an issue.
Can I make jokes about baldness to other men?
If you’re both on this list, yes.
I’m not bald, can I put my name on the list?
You already have hair, what else do you want from us?
Can I still go to the barbers?
Even if it’s just to get your eyebrows and nose hair trimmed. Never deprive yourself of that man time.
Do I still need to buy shampoo?
If it feels good, why not?
Don’t read too deeply into this.
It’s like asking Mike Tyson why he likes pigeons. There’s no real answer. These things just happen, and don’t blame your father, or grandfather.
Is this a support group?
Yes, it is. But we don’t want the stigma, this is meant to be fun.
Can I still get head lice?
Probably not, we’re not doctors and you shouldn’t assume anything.
We assumed we’d never go bald. Look what happened.
I’ve found a cure for baldness, who should I call?
You haven’t, put the phone down.
Am I going to go bald down there?
Maybe, but the good news is it adds an inch.
I’ve just turned 45 and I’m starting to lose my hair, what do I do?
How was it having hair for 45 years?
Why are there so many FAQs?
Balding is an emotional, sensitive subject that no one likes talking about, which means a lot of men have a lot of questions even if there are no real answers.